The Pull of Cuffing Season
Cuffing season arrives every year with a mix of humor, cultural pressure, and quiet longing. As the days grow shorter and the cold sets in, many people feel a pull toward companionship. Some of that pull comes from simple human desire. Some comes from loneliness that winter tends to magnify. And sometimes it comes from deeper emotional patterns – ones that were shaped long before we ever downloaded a dating app.
While the term “cuffing season” may sound playful, the feelings it stirs are real. As a therapist offering individual and relationship therapy in Pasadena, I often sit with clients who notice themselves moving faster than they intend to in their dating lives this time of year. They describe a sense of urgency that feels bigger than the connection itself. When we slow down together, we often discover that familiar attachment fears have been activated.
Fear of being alone.
Fear of missing out on connection.
Fear of not being chosen.
Why Cuffing Season Activates Attachment Patterns
These reactions make sense when we understand their roots. Our early experiences create neural pathways that become active when we sense loneliness, uncertainty, or potential rejection.
Winter has a way of lighting up those older networks because everything around us encourages pairing off – from holiday gatherings to social media posts to the general coziness of the season. The cultural script says: Find someone to spend the winter with. And when we’re already feeling tender or disconnected, that pressure can feel intense.
Slowing Down the Urgency
None of this means you should avoid dating during cuffing season. The goal isn’t to suppress your desire for connection. It’s to bring more awareness to which part of you is making the choice.
Your adult self might want companionship for healthy, grounded reasons. A younger part of you might be reaching for someone to soothe a deeper ache. Neither part is wrong; both deserve attention. But knowing which part is leading helps you move from anxiety to intention.
When dating starts to feel rushed, pause and gently ask yourself:
- What am I hoping this connection will give me?
- What do I fear might happen if I stay single through the winter?
- What feels exciting and energizing about this relationship?
- What feels more like pressure than choice?
These aren’t tests with a right or wrong answer. Instead, these questions are invitations to get curious.
Healthy Pacing and Emotional Awareness
Healthy pacing in dating allows attraction to grow without losing touch with your emotional needs. You can take your time. You can let the relationship reveal itself before making commitments that don’t feel aligned. You can enjoy connection while still honoring your own boundaries and inner signals.
This awareness is especially powerful for anyone who has navigated attachment anxiety, people-pleasing, or self-abandonment in past relationships all of which are common themes that come up in our work at the Center for Growth and Connection.
When you stay connected to yourself, you create space for the kind of relationship that aligns with who you are becoming, not just the part of you that fears being alone.
Turning Cuffing Season Into an Opportunity for Growth
Cuffing season doesn’t have to be about temporary comfort or rushing into something to fill the silence. It can be an invitation to deepen your relationship with yourself first.
When you approach dating with self-awareness, you’re more likely to attract relationships that feel calm, mutual, and emotionally safe – the kind that support both connection and individuality.
Because when you understand your inner world with honesty and compassion, you create the foundation for the kind of love that lasts long after winter ends.
Michelle Cantrell, LPCC is the Founder and Clinical Director of the Center for Growth and Connection in Pasadena, CA. Along with a team of trusted associates, CGC offers individual, couples, and relationship therapy both in-person in Pasadena and Encino, as well as secure telehealth sessions throughout California.
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About the Author
I love helping people experience more success in their relationships. So many individuals and couples come to me having had great success in their professional lives while struggling in their most important relationships. Whether I’m working with an individual or a couple, I help clients have healthier relationships with others and themselves, improve their connection with their partners, and become more effective at getting their relational needs met.
