Dating with Clarity: Journaling Prompts for the NRE Phase

Last week, we talked about new relationship energy: what it is and how to navigate it. You should go read the full blogpost if you haven’t already, but here’s a quick summary: new relationship energy, aka the honeymoon phase, aka falling in love, is the euphoric feeling one may experience at the beginning of a new relationship. It’s well captured by this scene from the film (500) Days of Summer where Tom saunters and dances through the streets of Downtown LA, grinning and shaking hands with every stranger he passes, after a first sexual encounter with his new lover. 

The experience of NRE is partially caused by an increased production of dopamine, adrenaline, and oxytocin in the brain, as well as a decrease in activity of the prefrontal cortex, which helps with decision-making and personal judgement. During this period one may also experience increased cortisol levels (falling in love may feel like a good stressor, but it’s still a stressor) and decreased serotonin levels (which is also associated with OCD; this helps explain the experience of rumination/obsessive thinking that can occur at the start of a new relationship).

Learning about new relationship energy and why it happens is a great first step to managing it, but also – a funny little thing about humans is that just because they know something to be true doesn’t always mean they act logically in response. After all, giving a name to these powerful feelings and knowing the biological processes behind them doesn’t exactly make the feelings any less powerful. 

But why does managing NRE even matter? Can’t I just ride these good feelings out? While I absolutely encourage you to enjoy and savor all the pleasures of this special experience, acting under the unconstrained influence of NRE can have some negative consequences, such as:

• Overlooking relationship “red flags” or incompatibilities

• Idealization of your partner that can lead to disappointment or confusion later on

• Poor judgement when it comes to decision making, which can lead to overcommitment too early on

• Neglecting other relationships & responsibilities

• A temporary loss of individuality

• Mood fluctuations, emotional turmoil, high stress levels

So what can we do to minimize these consequences and keep ourselves grounded in the midst of experiencing NRE? I go more in depth with multiple strategies in my initial blogpost, but reflective journaling is probably the simplest and most accessible. Here are some ways that journaling can be helpful with NRE:

• Drawing insights from past experiences that you can apply currently (learning from past mistakes and successes; recognizing your own patterns, tendencies, and vulnerabilities; gaining perspective on your current experience) 

• Grounding yourself in your values, priorities, and goals (refocusing on the things that are important to you; strengthening your sense of self; strategizing for better balance; reflecting on other important relationships in your life)

• Gaining clarity on yourself, your partner, and the new relationship (recognizing potential or realistic areas of compatibility and incompatibility; recognizing potential areas of growth for yourself and your partner)

• Connecting with & working through your emotions, reducing stress

Now that we’ve discussed why mindfulness is important for working with NRE and how journaling can help – the only thing left for you to do is grab a notebook, find a quiet place, and start writing! To help get you started, here is a downloadable PDF with 65 journaling prompts for NRE mindfulness.