When Thanksgiving Feels Lonely: Redefining Connection When Family Feels Far Away

When the Holidays Don’t Look Like the Movies

For many people, Thanksgiving brings images of full tables, laughter, and family traditions. But real life doesn’t always match that picture. Maybe you’re newly divorced. Maybe your kids are spending the day elsewhere. Or maybe you’re surrounded by people and still feel strangely alone.

If that’s you, I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with you. The cultural expectation that this day should look or feel a certain way can make the reality of your life feel painful, even if you’re at peace with it most of the year.

Why Holidays Can Amplify Loneliness

Loneliness isn’t just about being physically alone. It’s about disconnection — from others, from belonging, or sometimes from yourself.

The holidays magnify that disconnection because they highlight what’s missing: the partner who used to carve the turkey, the adult children who’ve moved away, or the sense of family closeness you never really had.

As a therapist offering individual and couples therapy in Pasadena, I often remind clients that grief and gratitude can coexist. You can miss what was, or what never was, and still create moments of connection in the present.

Redefining What Connection Looks Like

If your Thanksgiving looks different this year, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed at family or togetherness. It may simply mean that connection needs to take a new shape. Here are a few ideas for how to create it:

1. Choose Presence Over Perfection

You don’t have to orchestrate a “perfect” holiday. Sometimes connection happens in the simplest moments, like walking your dog, talking with a friend, or savoring quiet time with yourself.

2. Reach Out, Even Briefly

Send a text, make a call, or drop a short note to someone you care about. It doesn’t have to be deep or long — even a simple check-in can remind both of you that you matter.

3. Create a Ritual That’s Yours

Make a favorite meal just for you. Go for a sunrise hike. Write down three things you’re grateful for that have nothing to do with other people. Rituals don’t have to be traditional to be meaningful.

4. Let Yourself Feel What’s True

You don’t have to force gratitude or hide your sadness. Feelings lose their intensity when we allow them. Sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do is to say, “This feels hard today,” and let that be enough.

Building “Chosen Family” and New Traditions

Family can be the people we’re born to or the ones we intentionally build. Friends who check in, neighbors who wave, communities that make us feel seen — these connections count, too.

If you’re divorced or in a new life chapter, you have an opportunity to reshape the holidays around what feels authentic to you now. Maybe that’s a Friendsgiving, volunteering, or spending the day in nature. The form doesn’t matter — the feeling of belonging does.

A Thanksgiving Rooted in Authenticity

You don’t have to fake joy to belong. You don’t have to earn your seat at the table by pretending everything’s fine. Whether you’re surrounded by family or spending the day solo, connection begins by showing up honestly — with yourself first.

📍 Michelle Cantrell, LPCC is the Founder and Clinical Director of the Center for Growth and Connection, based in Pasadena, CA. Along with a team of trusted associates, CGC offers individual and couples therapy both in-person in Pasadena and Encino, as well as secure telehealth sessions throughout California.